Posture

So apparently I have a tendency to go weeks, nay, months without updating this blog. I'm sorry. That must be terribly frustrating to those of you that like to have a semi-regular glimpse into our lives. What is even more frustrating is that sometimes I go through seasons when I like to update daily, and other seasons, there is only silence...

I am realizing that is how my brain works, too. There are times when everything is cheery and the details of my days are tangible. It takes no effort to record daily happenings and funny little quips. But then inevitably, I dip into waters that are deeper, more complex, and my mind goes black for some time as I seek to process what I am thinking, what I hear God saying to me, and where I am being led. And then somehow I get out of the habit of communicating daily events and don't know how to enter back in.

So let's just start, awkwardly. Shall we?

For some time now I have felt gentle nudges to simplify, simplify, simplify. I don't think it's an uncommon message. We live in this culture that is so absolutely oppressive. Stuff EVERYWHERE. Things to do. Places to be. MONEY TO SPEND. It's so burdensome, isn't it? We watch TV shows about hoarders, feel guilt, and purge, frantically. We spend hard-earned dollars on storage solutions, organizational books, and systems. We neglect our kids to read websites and blogs about ways other people are doing "it" (whatever "it" is: organizing, parenting, creating, living), and bite our nails with anxiety that we don't know where to start. It appears that everyone else has it all together and we are the only ones that are lost.

Is anyone else feeling this? Is it only me? Maybe I should have said "I" instead of "we"...

Okay, then. Here is my confession. I did those things, I did. I spent hours trying to figure out better systems to do my daily tasks. I pushed my own children aside while sitting in front of the computer trying to figure out how to be a better parent. And then it struck me how absolutely silly it all was!

Simplify. Simplify. Simplify. But how, Lord? What does that mean? How do I know what it looks like? Where do I begin?

For one, we have determined after nearly 10 years of marriage that, for us, it doesn't mean birth control. The concept that a "smaller family equals a better life" has become a lie to me, because I know my own greediness and how quickly it would take over. Money for vacations? Done. Money for sports lessons? We're there. Money for nicer cars and lots more stuff? Yes, yes, and yes...

But an ever-growing family that ties me to home feels calmer and more secure. I know it doesn't make sense. Here is the best example I can give:

When Cole was a toddler, he was manic. He had problems processing sugars (that we hadn't discovered yet) and in addition to his food issues, he was a typical active little boy. He ran non-stop, always in a straight line, always away from me. Never looked back. I was exhausted for years, parenting just that child, but what I found as he grew is that he exhausted himself, too. He didn't always like being manic and active. Before he could even speak, he developed his own little sign for "go car" and when it all got to be too much for him, he would ask me to take him for a drive. I was always so amazed at how much calmer he would become the instant he was strapped into his 5-point harness. This look of pure relief would come over his face as if he knew it was going to be better now, for a time, because he didn't have to run and be crazy and control his body. He could just rest within the restriction. Now, looking back, I realize that I feel the same way. This world has too many things that lure me in and distract me. The (few) times that I have had plenty, I find myself immediately swayed by options. I'm too weak against them, and it's too easy to whip out my check card. There are too many bright lights and colors. It feels manic. I find my heart whispering, "five-point harness, Lord"...

The main thing that I feel God telling me these days is to adopt a posture of humility; now I am in the throes of trying to figure out what that looks like. I know it will be a process. But I can tell you that living a life with just enough manna for today feels peaceful and safe. Listening to my children and petitioning God for answers when I am up against a wall is calmer than doping out in front of the computer, looking for solutions in an endless sea of information. I don't think I want to give up this blog, and actually there are several things currently that I'd like to share with you...but I have to warn you that I might disappear from time to time when all this technology gets too much for me.

I guess those are all the things I have floating around in my head tonight. If anyone is still out there, come on back soon and we'll head for lighter topics for a while...

The Earth-Conscious Family

Mama's quote of the day (during a discussion about ecology and how even humans, yes, are 100% recyclable): "Mama's in the 'reduce' stage so she can be reused again!"

Still Learning Tact

Reuben: "Mom, it's after lunch, can we eat one of our candies?"

Mama: "Can you wait for a little bit please?"

Reuben: "Why?"

Mama: "Because Sean really needs to have a nap today, and it will be easier for me to get him into bed if you and the boys haven't pulled your candy bags out. So wait for just a few minutes and I will put him down, and then you may have a candy."

Reuben goes downstairs to play; he and Sean are swinging on the rope.

Overheard:
Reuben: "Seanie! Go see Mama! She wants to give you ICE CREAM!"

Mama: "Reuben, come here right this minute please."

Reuben (tromping up the stairs): "What?"

Mama: "DO NOT tell Sean I am giving him ice cream, you know that is not true! You are telling Seanie a LIE. Do you know what happens if you tell lies?"

Reuben: "I get into trouble."

Mama: "You get into BIG trouble. Lying is not permitted in this house. Do not do that again, please."

Reuben goes back downstairs.

Overheard:
Reuben (in his best sing-songy voice): "Seanie! Go see Mama! It is NAPTIME! Well, I mean, not for all of us. JUST you. It is just naptime for you. You are going to go to bed and then all of us are going to EAT CANDY!"

Mama: "Reuben, will you come back up here please..."

Clarity

During school today:

Mama: "Okay, for Bible time we are going to read the passage where Satan tempts Jesus. 'Then Jesus, being filled with the Holy Spirit, returned from the Jordan and was led by the Spirit into the wilderness, being tempted for forty days by the devil. And in those days He ate nothing, and afterward, when they had ended, He was hungry. And the devil said to Him, "If you are the Son of God, command this stone to become bread."' (luke 4:1-3)

Cole: "Wait. I don't know who the devil is."

Mama: "Satan."

Cole: "Who is Satan again?"

Mama: "He's like the biggest bad guy. He's the one that is fighting against God."

Cole: "OH! OH! I remember him! We saw him on Oprah!"

Mama doubles over and tries to be nonchalant about it.

Cole: "Remember? We saw him. I know exactly who he is. Remember? He was walking on the air between those buildings."

Mama (using her arm to hide her hysteria): "Um, that was someone different. That was Criss Angel."

Cole: "Wait. So now there's TWO bad guys?!"

April

On month four now of thrice-weekly visits to the chiropractor. Little time for anything else...well, other than cooking, potty-training, and washing dishes. We are plugging away at our schoolwork; dissected owl pellets on the dining table last night with the older three after Sean went to bed. Switched math curriculum (from Horizon to Singapore) and Cole is saying (so far) that he likes it much better. Having fun learning Latin verbs, and making up our own (English) madlibs in our spare time to cement the ideas of nouns and verbs. Taking walks to clear Mama's head. Washing machine has been broken for two weeks now, I've spent nearly $100 at the laundromat and there is dirty laundry EVERYWHERE. Packed 5 boys and as much dirty laundry as I could fit around them into the Volvo this morning, drove the minute and a half to the laundromat and discovered that they are closed on Thursdays. Which wouldn't be quite so sad of a story if I hadn't done the EXACT SAME THING LAST WEEK. It's possible that there is a neural connection missing in my head. Hmm. Not willing to switch laundromats because mine uses cards, I've already started one and I don't need more than one laundry card floating around my kitchen. We made an outing out of it anyway and spent a bunch of time wandering around the grocery store; picked up a few things for dinner but forgot the salad dressing. Have just enough balsamic vinegar in the bottle to mix some up.

Weather is nicer and boys are dying to be outside. The only complication is that outside = dirty clothes and I'm not sure there are any clean ones left. Appliance repairman just called and said my machine is completely shot...apparently a nail pierced a hole in the washtub...is that any surprise?

My favorite romantical quote from my spouse this week:

"Baby, one day this merry-go-round will stop. We'll puke, and then we'll get back to our lives."

_____________

While packing @! loads of dirty laundry back into the kitchen this morning, along with three bags of groceries:
Mama: "Boys, this is the loading zone. Please, unless you are helping unload, please move out of the way so the rest of us can get through. REUBEN. Scootch out of the way PLEASE."
Reuben: "BUT I WANNA GET LOADED!"

(Typical) Conversation with Reuben

Reese: "Mom, Reuben is calling me names."

Mama: "Reuben, we don't call brothers names."

Reuben: "Why not?"

Mama: "Because it's not speaking with love and kindness."

Reuben: "Not even Cole and Reese?"

Mama: "What do you mean?"

Reuben: "I can't call them Cole and Reese?"

Mama: "Well, of course you can call them by their REAL names. That's not the same thing. Please say you're sorry for...Reese, what did Reuben call you?"

Reese: "Evil Contented Waste."

Mama: "Please tell Reese 'Sorry for calling you Evil Contented Waste'."

Reuben: "But I didn't CALL him that name, I just said it TO him"....

(Typical) Conversation With Reuben

Mama: So are you excited for Co-op today?

Reuben: Yup.

Mama: Today is the last day of your Bible class!

Reuben: I know! And my teacher will never know that I'm not wearing any underwear.

Mama: Oh. Hmm. Well, please get some out of that laundry basket over there. I washed some especially for you.

Reuben (almost toppling the huge pile of laundry): Is all of this whole basket MINE?

Mama: Oh, no. It's for the whole family. Everybody's laundry is all mixed together in there.

Reuben: Like mine? And the boys? And God and Jesus?

Mama: No, not God and Jesus. I don't think God and Jesus have laundry.

Reuben: Yes they do! They have INVISIBLE LAUNDRY! Like underwear, and tee shirts, and they put them on... oh but NOT jammies.

Mama: God and Jesus don't have jammies? Why don't they have jammies?

Reuben: Mom! You know! Because they stay up late, with you guys!