Saturday, January 31, 2009
Saturday, January 24, 2009
But I accidentally let a chicken out of the gate and had to chase it around the yard, dropped an egg when I was taking care of the neighbor's animals, gave the rest of the eggs to Cole and watched him drop one right outside the back door, refilled the water jug and got it all the way next door before realizing it wasn't screwed on properly (it fell apart and dumped water all over the ground), thought to check the mail for the first time since Justin left, hoping for a paycheck (our first check since mid-November) and was instead surprised with a huge STACK of overdraft notices from the bank since I accidentally put the money into savings instead of checking, opened a notice from the gas company threatening to turn off my heat on Monday because I forgot to send the check... and I'm utterly unable to do anything about it today since the CU is closed and I'm locked from doing any more transfers online. And then while I was fuming about the bills, Reuben stomped on my bare foot wearing his winter boots and I yelled at the top of lungs, which caused him to BURST INTO TEARS. And then I burst into tears and then we sat on the couch together and CRIED.
So I'll check the mail again a bit later. But I'm pretty sure that the Mom Of The Year award will NOT be showing up in my box today.
Monday, January 19, 2009
To keep you out, to keep me in, to keep it safe
Oh, the sense of my own self-entitlement
To say who's wrong, who won't belong, who cannot stay
Cause somebody somewhere decided
We'd be better off divided
And somehow, despite the damage done--
He says, 'Come...'
Ever since I was a young child, I have always loved the image of huge, rustic banquet table. Yes, I love feasting!...but it is more that that--I love the picture of a table where no one is turned away. All are welcome, no one is cramped, and the wine and bread overflow. A celebration in its entirety.
My boys--Cole, especially--must have inherited this deep longing that I have for the fellowship and comraderie that reside in a banquet with food and room for all. He occasionally dreams aloud about the table in heaven and tries to estimate how long it must be! I love this because I believe that God's heart is for us to care less about determining where exactly all the little boundaries and differences between us lie, and instead to reach out, to love, to break bread together and live life in community.
Oh, the times when I have failed to recognize
How many chairs are gathered there around the feast
To break the bread and break these boundaries
That have kept us from our only common ground
The invitation to sit down
If we will come
There is room enough for all of us
And the arms are open wide enough
And our parts are never greater than the sum
This is the heart of the One
Who stands before an open door
And bids us 'Come'
I feel sometimes in this life like a child back in the schoolyard, hoping not to be picked last and feeling an ache in my heart for the one that is. Do we ever really outgrow this yearning to be welcomed into the fold? There have been too many times in my life--even as an adult--when I have been insensitive and uncaring to those waiting on the periphery for an invitation to be let in. There have been just as many times that I have waited, myself, for that invitation. The idea of a banquet table--my Lord's banquet table!--where there is a seat reserved for me, a glass of wine waiting in anticipation for my arrival, and One standing at the door to usher me in--well, it is almost more than I can bear. I can't think of anything greater than to be welcomed to the table of He who created the universe. I am absolutely humbled and terrifyingly overwhelmed.
Justin made me a table for Christmas.
It is seven feet long.
The table we have been using seats four comfortably. Four, and we are six...without any company! The new table is fashioned out of Justin's childhood table (in the middle, made of solid maple) and my childhood table (solid oak, cut in two and added to the ends). I cried and cried when I saw it. Not just because it is a "bigger table", but because it is a deep representation to me of the things God has been teaching me the last several years about having a truly welcoming and joyful spirit towards the people he brings my way--without reservation. It is the two of us, made better and stronger as one. It takes what was inadequate and makes it into something overflowing with purpose and life. God's provision for me abounds, and each time I am stretched, I experience more and more of his blessing. And as hard as it as gotten, that blessing is still so good, at its core, that I am absolutely unable to turn away and try it on my own! I am completely captivated by this life he has chosen for me.
There is room enough!
Thank you, Justin, for walking this journey with me, and for a gift that meets a need and speaks to my heart. It is functional and beautiful! I love every bit of it.