Sunday, August 30, 2009


our new son!

Ari Nathaniel

born 27 august 2009
9:20 am
9 pounds 14 ounces
22 1/4 inches long

photos to follow soon!

Thursday, August 20, 2009

Change of Plans

Justin and I made the difficult decision yesterday to leave the care of the midwives and make arrangements to deliver this baby at the hospital. There were many factors in our decision that I won't get into now--it mainly comes down to the fact that my blood sugars are becoming enough of an issue that we had to reassess what was going to be the best thing for the baby at the point of delivery...and in the hours and days that follow. I spent nearly all morning on the phone with physicians, specialists, you name it, and even had an impromptu "counseling session" with the endocrinologist--- and then spent two and a half hours in the afternoon at the childbirth center having the baby's heartrate, movement and contractions monitored.

We are on track (and registered!) for a hospital delivery and I found an obstetrician that has agreed to take us on. I was reassured several times by the doctor & labor nurse that Baby is healthy and happy! But we are not out of the woods, by any means---there are still many decisions that will need to be made over the next few days, and we appreciate any prayers you can send our way as we navigate gingerly through each obstacle.

We are super thankful to know that the baby is okay and to have a (tentative) plan in place. I am also thankful to be able to tell you that we both feel a lot of peace with the decisions that have already been made! More decisions will be made on Monday if we make it that far. If labor starts in the next couple of days, we may have to sort of "wing it"--so we are praying for grace & wisdom with those spur-of-the-moment decisions.

Thank you for your continued love and support! We hope to be able to announce the arrival of our newest baby soon!

Monday, August 17, 2009


I had a dream this weekend that I went into labor. Not an unusual occurrence for a girl 38.5 weeks pregnant, surely, but this dream was different in that I actually could see the babe I delivered--finally. It was a boy, a big, strong, healthy boy with a lusty cry, and I fell in love with him instantly. He was so familiar somehow. I took one look at him and knew that I had always known him.

In my dream there was another baby, too, also a boy, that I knew I had delivered the day before. He was smaller, quieter, weaker, and I knew he was the baby that we lost in the fall, but he was alive, here, and in the dream Justin and I made the decision to raise the babies as twins--even though we knew they weren't. (I also dreamed that I delivered the babies at Half-Price Books...but we won't talk about that here.) We packed up the boys to take them home and I remember feeling so overwhelmed at the blessing God had chosen to bestow...even though it was different than what we may have originally anticipated.

I woke from my dream finally feeling like we have (almost) come full-circle. It has been almost exactly a year since we started down the road of that first pregnancy--the one that was lost. One year. One long year! My dream made me realize suddenly that the birth of this child will finally close that chapter for us, for me. I don't think I recognized that it hadn't yet ended in my mind. This baby, this life, was meant to be. Just another little piece of our story--and a daily reminder to this mama that God works all things together for the good of those who love him.

Can't wait to look upon that face and know that somewhere in my heart, I have always known and loved him.

Tuesday, August 11, 2009

Buttermilk Blueberry Bliss

Happier words are never heard in this house than:

"Mama: I'm FULL!"

Saturday, August 8, 2009


[we are in the last weeks the days that feel sometimes like they are playing out under water, where the voices and movements all come in slow motion and muted tones. the babe is still turning and kicking. i think that my belly can not possibly grow another centimeter...and still it does, consistently, ever allowing for the constant growth. my bones feel like they are no longer connected. i keep up with my chores throughout the day, but once the sun goes down, i cannot walk without hobbling, bent at the waist, trying to avoid putting any pressure on my right leg. my feet feel tight in my shoes. i am not wishing the hurt away; it is testimony to what the body and spirit can bear.

he is here, and i must depend on him more and more. he comes up behind me as i cook at the stove and puts his arms around my belly, holding it up against gravity for just a few moments, and there is instant relief from the pain--what one cannot manage is not too much for two. he is carrying all of us now, having to intuit where the gaps lie and fill them, smooth them over... and yet it is i--the one who has no strength left--who must rise up on that fated day and somehow find the effort to give life, and breath, and voice to that searing fire...]

"Our bodies are what we first give to each other as families--as husband and wife, in labor, in birth, and what we leave at death...In order to cherish the body--both those of others and our own--we must first recognize the inescapable fact that it will one day break down and turn to dust. This should trigger a certain urgency in us to care for one another's arms, feet, and face and to enjoy each and every stage a body passes through on its journey from birth to death.

"...Families everywhere must be fed, sheltered, warmed, and held...but in the end it is the way in which we do these everyday tasks, the spirit in which they are done, that determines the atmosphere of a family. It is the way we feed each other, bathe, groom, clothe and lay us down at night that makes a family...When a husband yells from the bathroom, 'Hey, want your hair washed tonight?' it isn't only hair that gets salon treatment, so does the whole self.

"...Families are complicated weavings of light and dark, of hurt and healing. We will hurt each other in ways we didn't intend. We will even hurt each other intentionally...but our hands can heal...anyone who lays on hands gets attached to life...unlike the mind, a body is never without sensing, even in sleep. A body will always remember" [exerpts from The Art of Family, by Gina Bria]

Sunday, August 2, 2009

When Daddy Cooks Breakfast

Cole says: "This tastes halfway like heaven. I think that heaven will be just like earth, but with different colors and missing some things."

Mama: "Oh yeah? Like what?"

Cole: "What do you want to know about? The colors, or the missing?"

Mama: "The missing."

Cole: "Well, I don't think there will be any ambulances, or fire engines, or police cars."

Mama: "That's probably true. But what do you think heaven will be like? Do you think there will be foods there that you have never seen before?"

Cole: "You mean like MOON CHEESE?!"