Tuesday, October 7, 2008

10.07

justin one:


nine years ago I said "I will"
eight years ago I said "I do"
today I say "I still"



my friend assures me:
it's all or nothing
I am not worried
I am not overly concerned


my friend implores me:

for one time only,

make an exception

I am not worried

wrap her up in a package of lies

send her off to a coconut island

I am not worried

I am not overly concerned

with the status of my emotions

oh, she says, we're changing

we're always changing


Remember when you were eighteen? So stubborn and bullheaded, so sure you knew what your future held, so in control. I was so captivated by you and calmed by your surety; your stubbornness thrilled me and frustrated me...


Remember rock climbing at the park and pizza on the scaffolding? Remember water towers at night and the ribbing of friends? Remember missing your One in England and lunch at Fridays?


Remember moving north, and starting again? Remember lawn games before dinner? Remember new books, new profs, new schedules to coordinate? Remember waiting to be buzzed in to the building? Remember calling Naked Guy and asking him to please put some clothes on? Remember rapelling off the look-out tower? Remember photographing the cemetary, and walking all the way home? Remember pre-bought tickets and (root) beers on the builders' swing?


Remember the realization that it wasn't a game anymore, that something bigger was beginning?


it does not bother me to say:
this isn't love
so if you don't want to talk about it then
it isn't love
and I guess I'm going to have to live with that
but I'm sure there's something in a shade of grey
or something in between
and I can always change my name
if that's what you mean


Remember loud silences and frenzied writings? Remember tearful walks in the night, muddling through miscommunications? Remember wanting so desperately to make it work? Remember knowing that something larger was at stake?


it seems like I should say:

as long as this is love....

but it's not all that easy

so maybe I should

snap her up in a butterfly net

pin her down on a photograph album

I am not worried

I've done this sort of thing before

...but then I start to think about the consequences

and I don't get no sleep in a quiet room


Remember waking exhausted, but starting another day?
Remember not giving up?


this time, when kindness falls like rain
it washes me away
and Anna begins to change my mind
and everytime she sneezes I believe it's love
and oh lord, I'm not ready for this sort of thing


she's talking in her sleep
it's keeping me awake
and Anna begins to toss and turn
and every word is nonsense
but I understand it all
lord, I'm not ready for this sort of thing

her kindness bangs a gong
it's moving me along
and Anna begins to fade away
it's chasing me away
she disappears and
oh lord, I'm not ready for this sort of thing


justin one:
thank you for taking a chance on us
eight years added to our cache of memories,
four olive shoots around your table



and I am crazy in love with you (I think hearts about you)


8 comments:

your One said...

I did have plans for my future at 18. I was SO sure of what it would be like. When I think about my "plan" now and compare it to what is, I laugh at myself. I was so short sighted. I was missing the parts that make it real; all the times that are amazingly hard, the times that are euphoric and all the times in the middle. I was missing all the children and the chaos (unpredictability) they add.

There is not one thing I wish I would have done differently. We have been given exactly what we need in perfect timing. Thank you for surrendering everything you have without hesitation and loving me always.

Thank you God for the woman you gave me. She is perfect for me. How did you know? . . . Oh yeah, you're God.

tableforsix said...

Beautiful. And, I remember Naked Guy too! Love you guys.

-Chris

kimberly said...

christopher-

when i was writing this i was thinking of how many of these memories you were a part of....you are a big part of our story too...thank you! and thank you to mina for making that call for all of us :)

karissa said...

I'm crying. I love that Christopher and I got to watch you fall in love with each other, I love that our history goes back that far (and much farther). I can remember your perfect sunny wedding day like it was yesterday.

We love you!

sccrblndie said...

This brought tears to my eyes. Beautiful Kim (and Justin) :) Wish we got to see you guys more! And Happy 8 years (2 days late)!

Love, Amy

Lynne Paulus said...

Beautiful. I love the photo of you with your boys Kim. What handsome sweeties they are!

Like a Mustard Seed said...

Kim & Justin, you 2 are something special. Marriage and becoming one is something so beautiful. Thanks for sharing a peice of your love story. We'll see you soon; I agree w/Lynne, that picture is ADORABLE. Have a good weekend, are the 2 of you getting some alone time soon? Do you often? (Curious)...Daniel & I it's pretty rare that we can get a sitter, it does happen not as often as we'd like though. We're starting to put the kids to bed earlier, so that in the evening we aren't just passing out or too tired and crabby to connect....I think you mentioned that you set up a weekly meeting or is it monthly? Later Kim (& J). Peace & Love, Heather

MM said...

Happy Anniversary!

Beautiful words. And yes, it's true, we're all given what we need in perfect timing.

p.s. I totally forgot about Naked Guy! My goodness! Ewww! Do you think he's still unclothed?