10.07

justin one:

nine years ago I said "I will"

eight years ago I said "I do"

today I say "I still"

my friend assures me:

it's all or nothing

I am not worried

I am not overly concerned

my friend implores me:

for one time only,

make an exception

I am not worried

wrap her up in a package of lies

send her off to a coconut island

I am not worried

I am not overly concerned

with the status of my emotions

oh, she says, we're changing

we're always changing

Remember when you were eighteen? So stubborn and bullheaded, so sure you knew what your future held, so in control. I was so captivated by you and calmed by your surety; your stubbornness thrilled me and frustrated me...

Remember rock climbing at the park and pizza on the scaffolding? Remember water towers at night and the ribbing of friends? Remember missing your One in England and lunch at Fridays?

Remember moving north, and starting again? Remember lawn games before dinner? Remember new books, new profs, new schedules to coordinate? Remember waiting to be buzzed in to the building? Remember calling Naked Guy and asking him to please put some clothes on? Remember rapelling off the look-out tower? Remember photographing the cemetary, and walking all the way home? Remember pre-bought tickets and (root) beers on the builders' swing?

Remember the realization that it wasn't a game anymore, that something bigger was beginning?

it does not bother me to say:

this isn't love

so if you don't want to talk about it then

it isn't love

and I guess I'm going to have to live with that

but I'm sure there's something in a shade of grey

or something in between

and I can always change my name

if that's what you mean

Remember loud silences and frenzied writings? Remember tearful walks in the night, muddling through miscommunications? Remember wanting so desperately to make it work? Remember knowing that something larger was at stake?

it seems like I should say:

as long as this is love....

but it's not all that easy

so maybe I should

snap her up in a butterfly net

pin her down on a photograph album

I am not worried

I've done this sort of thing before

...but then I start to think about the consequences

and I don't get no sleep in a quiet room

Remember waking exhausted, but starting another day?

Remember not giving up?

this time, when kindness falls like rain

it washes me away

and Anna begins to change my mind

and everytime she sneezes I believe it's love

and oh lord, I'm not ready for this sort of thing

she's talking in her sleep

it's keeping me awake

and Anna begins to toss and turn

and every word is nonsense

but I understand it all

lord, I'm not ready for this sort of thing

her kindness bangs a gong

it's moving me along

and Anna begins to fade away

it's chasing me away

she disappears and

oh lord, I'm not ready for this sort of thing

justin one:

thank you for taking a chance on us

eight years added to our cache of memories,

four olive shoots around your table

and I am crazy in love with you (I think hearts about you)