April

On month four now of thrice-weekly visits to the chiropractor. Little time for anything else...well, other than cooking, potty-training, and washing dishes. We are plugging away at our schoolwork; dissected owl pellets on the dining table last night with the older three after Sean went to bed. Switched math curriculum (from Horizon to Singapore) and Cole is saying (so far) that he likes it much better. Having fun learning Latin verbs, and making up our own (English) madlibs in our spare time to cement the ideas of nouns and verbs. Taking walks to clear Mama's head. Washing machine has been broken for two weeks now, I've spent nearly $100 at the laundromat and there is dirty laundry EVERYWHERE. Packed 5 boys and as much dirty laundry as I could fit around them into the Volvo this morning, drove the minute and a half to the laundromat and discovered that they are closed on Thursdays. Which wouldn't be quite so sad of a story if I hadn't done the EXACT SAME THING LAST WEEK. It's possible that there is a neural connection missing in my head. Hmm. Not willing to switch laundromats because mine uses cards, I've already started one and I don't need more than one laundry card floating around my kitchen. We made an outing out of it anyway and spent a bunch of time wandering around the grocery store; picked up a few things for dinner but forgot the salad dressing. Have just enough balsamic vinegar in the bottle to mix some up.

Weather is nicer and boys are dying to be outside. The only complication is that outside = dirty clothes and I'm not sure there are any clean ones left. Appliance repairman just called and said my machine is completely shot...apparently a nail pierced a hole in the washtub...is that any surprise?

My favorite romantical quote from my spouse this week:

"Baby, one day this merry-go-round will stop. We'll puke, and then we'll get back to our lives."

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While packing @! loads of dirty laundry back into the kitchen this morning, along with three bags of groceries:
Mama: "Boys, this is the loading zone. Please, unless you are helping unload, please move out of the way so the rest of us can get through. REUBEN. Scootch out of the way PLEASE."
Reuben: "BUT I WANNA GET LOADED!"

Highlight

Call me crazy, but sometimes the highlight of my day is simmering a pot of something on the stove and watching condensation build on the windowpane of the kitchen door...keeping one ear out for the sound of a sneaky little boy climbing the stairs up from the basement to stealthily write "Poo" in the steam. And then hearing his indignation later when he brings a brother up to witness his crime and finds that Mama has changed his creation to "Boo"...

I Know That They Have To Grow Up

...but I love that Reuben thinks that his name is Little Chef

and I love that Reese thinks that the LGMs are a representation of the trinity, because they say they are one

and I love that Cole thinks the name of the crayon is "Violent Red"

and I love that Sean gets his monkey and climbs up and lays on the couch with me when I read at night

Baby, Daddy, Fat, Old

Our breakfast conversation this morning:

Reese: "So Mom, does it go: 'Baby, Daddy, Fat, Old'?"

Mama: "Excuse me?"

Reese: "Does it go 'Baby, Daddy, Fat, Old'?" (I love how they always repeat it verbatim...as though there is a CHANCE I might have the slightest idea what they're referencing)

Mama: "I'm sorry, Baby, I don't know what you're asking."

Cole (desperate to help): "You know, Mom, like living? Like the way we live? We start out as babies....then turn into kids....then daddies" (DOT DOT DOT)

Reese: "Then it goes to that other stuff...right?"

Now how would you have answered this question?

Belated

Around here we are

Finally home from our 8-day Thanksgiving
Finally healing
Finally beautifying the breakfast nook/homework table
Finally (already?!) digging through the Christmas decorations
Finally digging through the photographs of Reubsy's third birthday to share

so until the next installment, here's a fun conversation from yesterday:

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Cole: "Mom, all I want you to make me is broccoli and carrots, for the rest of my life."

Mama (proud and scared): "Oh? Why is that?" (cringing)

Cole: "Well, because broccoli makes big toots, and Olivia says that carrots make you see in the dark. So then I could see big toots in the dark."

Reese: "Me, me too!"

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Happy (belated) Thanksgiving!

Fall Window Hangings

I have to show you what we did this week. I've been so excited to make these window hangings with the boys since finding them here a few weeks ago; we finally bought a new roll of clear contact paper Monday morning and got to work. The boys had such fun, and they turned out so beautiful, and I am so in love with them-- I just sit and stare at the window all day long. You know how I feel about kids and art and how I wish I was creative enough to give my sons opportunities to just fill my house with color...

They're so lovely, truly. The photos don't do justice. I LOVE that Cole's is made of all the different bright fall colors, I LOVE that Reese's has that beautiful branch right in the middle, I LOVE that Reuben chose to do his ENTIRELY in green. They make me so happy.

Week 3

M week!

We ate muffins,

played Barrel of Monkeys in math,

stared at a jelly jar full of m&ms all week before finally charting our guesses (1-100) on Thursday, counting them and eating them, yum!

and.... we made mud!

(we were supposed to learn to mop, too, but somehow that didn't get done....)

First Week Of School, part two: Lesson Plans

We survived our first week of school! (one down, 35 to go) Had a bit of a slow start since our school weeks are usually only four days and Monday was a holiday. But I am thankful to be easing into it, since it's really the first sort of formal schooling for both Reese and Reuben, and since Cole is coming off of a summer of literally living out of doors. We've all needed an extra dose of grace this week.



Here's what we're studying! (I love hearing about what materials people are using--what's working, what isn't working, what brilliant ideas you have that I can steal! So feel free to post your lesson plans too and maybe I will come take something of yours *grin*)


Reading: Tons and tons of reading aloud. We're intermixing "kids' choice" library books with Sonlight Core 1 Read-Alouds, Daddy's choice "Wizard of Oz", folktales from a variety of countries and cultures, Bible stories, and other "ancients" literature. Cole and I just started "Black Ships Before Troy: The Story of the Iliad" in our afternoon reading. It's very difficult material for him--I'm literally stopping every half-sentence to explain vocabulary, backstory and plot lines--but we're both loving it! Our mandatory "no TV or computers for the entire school week" rule is lending itself to much more reading around our house. Cole is working through his "I Can Read It" Sonlight Core 1 readers (see Language Arts), Reuben is learning letter recognition and sounds, and Reese is doing basic phonics and early reading exercises. We do all three of these simulateously in the mornings, so that the younger kids get the benefit of whatever info they might glean from Cole's lessons, and so that Cole gets the benefit of review through what his younger brothers are learning.



Writing: We've used Reason For Handwriting for the last couple of years and I'm loving it thus far. We chose it simply because the "style" of letters was the most similar to the lettering that both Justin and I learned as children. Beginning with the Grade 1 books, the writing exercises are all scripture verses, too, which I love.



Math: Horizons math books aren't very "hands-on", but Cole and Reese have done well with them, so we'll continue in this vein unless we hit a snag. I like that the workbooks introduce a concept, stay with it for a bit, move on to something else, and then circle back, over and over again. This method seems to be greatly effective in reinforcing abstract concepts in my boys' minds. Additionally, I'm trying to add a lot of my own manipulatives and real-life applications these days. We'll play a lot of games, cook, make our own colorful charts, count, sort, add, divide the buttons in Mama's button box, etc.



Spelling & Other Language Arts: For now, we're working with the Sonlight K and Core 1 LA materials we already had on hand. The programs are pretty all-inclusive, so spelling, dictation, grammar, vocabulary, narration and readers are all pre-planned and pre-organized. I did order a copy of First Language Lessons and we might supplement with that...or use at a later time.



History: This year we'll use Story of the World for the first time! I'm uber excited about it; history was always the one subject in school I just couldn't wrap my head around. I loved the stories and was able to memorize dates just fine--but I never could seem to comprehend which historical events were happening simultaneously. Learning American History separate from European History and so on created the illusion in my head that there were way more historical periods than actually existed. So for my own kids, I purchased several of the Usborne history materials, but I felt like I was falling into the same rut. I'm so excited to begin Story of the World and am hoping it will fulfill my expectations of presenting history in a linear way that will make it wonderful and appealing to all of us! Our books have been delayed in the mail, though, so next week, we will be working on an alternative social studies project....more on that to come (in part three of this post)!

Science: This week we will beginning Sonlight Core 1 Science...the last of our materials just arrived a few days ago and I haven't had a chance to peek at them much...so will have to update you later!

Bible: Our Bible reading falls into the "ancients" read-aloud category. For memorization, though, I have chosen Ecclesiastes 3:1-8:

There is a time for everything,

and a season for every activity under heaven:

a time to be born and a time to die,

a time to plant and a time to uproot,

a time to kill and a time to heal,

a time to tear down and a time to build,

a time to weep and a time to laugh,

a time to mourn and a time to dance,

a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,

a time to embrace and a time to refrain,

a time to search and a time to give up,

a time to keep and a time to throw away,

a time to tear and a time to mend,

a time to be silent and a time to speak,

a time to love and a time to hate,

a time for war and a time for peace.

which I'm sure will take us at least eight weeks, if not sixteen. But I'm feeling deep emotion about this passage, as I've recognized that every other word out of my mouth the last year or so seems to be "it's not time for that, it's time to (fill in the blank)." I don't want to be a mother that is continually telling my boys that they can't wrestle, or be loud, or dig up the flowerplants...I want to be a mother that teaches her sons to recognize when those things are appropriate, and conversely, when it is appropriate to be silent, to embrace, to plant, to build. So I'm thrilled that God (and Solomon), in their wisdom, included this passage in the Holy Book and thankful for the opportunity to teach it to my children and watch its seeds begin to come alive in them.

Art: Ooh, this is a hard one for me. I am pretty much of the mindset that children should do art all day long! ....but I am hopeless when it comes to artistic creativity. Thankfully I married a man who is artistic to the core. I'm not planning a separate "art" segment yet, because I'm anticipating that the SOTW workbook will be full of crafts and art projects. If it turns out that isn't true, then Justin will take the reigns, and Fridays will become "Art with Daddy" days. And they just might anyway.

Montessori: On top of everything else....we'll focus each week on a different Life Skill to be taught in detail and practiced intentionally. Wonderful, majestic things like Saying Thank You (without prompting), Washing Dishes, Sewing, correctly Setting A Table, Sweeping, and (Daddy's favorite!) Being Silent. Hooray! I love how this instruction will further enforce the Ecclesiastes passage we'll be studying.

Whew! Is that it? What a whirlwind this homeschool thing is. As with every other area of parenting, it's dawning on me that homeschool, too, is more about my education than my childrens'. Thank you, Lord, for using these boys to refine me!

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"But women will be restored through childbearing--if they continue in faith, love and holiness with propriety" I Timothy 2:15

Four Pizza Night

Yesterday, bored with meal plans, I asked the kids to each come up with a dinner idea to put on the list. Reuben chose "rice". Reese chose "pizza with pineapple on the side". Cole chose "Nothing-Since-I-Wanted-To-Pick-Pizza-But-Reese-Already-Picked-It-And-You-Won't-Let-Us-Have-Pizza-Twice-In-One-Week"! Oh well. Two outta three's not bad.

Since the fridge was pretty empty and pizza toppings can be purchased at the last minute, I got busy making the dough so it could get to rising. My dough recipe makes two pizzas. Realizing I had an excess of flour, yeast, etc I decided to make two batches, so that we could have some dough in the freezer for a quick weekend lunch in the future. A couple of hours later, as I was rolling out the dough, Justin made a quick trip to the store for toppings and beer, and in no time, we were tossing pizzas into the oven....

Okay. Do you know how many pizzas we went through last night? Four. All four. Well, three and a half. Which still leaves no dough for the freezer. And which also means that at the ages of 6, 4 and 2, my boys can already put away close to 3 pizzas between the three of them....

I was laughing as I was putting the fourth pie into the oven and the boys were all still sitting at the table waiting for more--thinking of what life will be like a few years down the road--when they are all FOUR at the table--and bringing home their friends, to boot! Good thing this mama likes to cook!

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In other news: today we six hopped the bus that stops right out in front of our house, rode downtown to wander the Farmer's Market, filled our bags with local veggies, a new long-sleeved tee for Mama, and cookies from Mount Bakery, and then stopped into Pita Pit for a special lunch before riding the bus back home. All in all, a bang-up day!

Quote of the Day:

"This is the first time my Golden Tooth has ever eaten pizza!" --Cole, age 6

School At Our House

This post is a long time coming. I have a handful of friends whose babies are just beginning to reach schooling age, and they have been pestering me for some time now for information and advice about homeschooling. I have been putting them off for so long that I am beginning to lose sleep at night, worrying that they will hunt me down. You know who you are. This post is for you.

For the rest of you, well, you know who you are, too. You think we are back-country, right-wing conservatives who are doing our children a great injustice by keeping them out of the public school system (grin). There are no hard feelings if you'd like to stop reading here, and check back later in the week for a less controversial topic. Instead, I will leave you with a video that will bring a smile to your face

www.youtube.com/watch?v=VM6uqj0_jQc (btw, that's MY six-year-old!)

and a Quote Of The Day:

"These veggies taste good, but they look like you scraped them up off the ground at Dagobah." --Cole, age 6 (a child critic's review of Pasta, Beans 'n' Greens)

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Okay, for the handful of you that remain: Let's get down to business.

WHY WE HOMESCHOOL
I don't know if I would have ever considered homeschooling were it not for my husband. He wanted to begin talking about the possibility of schooling our kids at home when I was only a few months pregnant with Cole. I was more interested in talking about how to stop the Cycle of Barfing and a way to develop a covert system of continuing to get paid at my job while spending the whole day asleep on my desk. So we differed, a bit. But that was when the conversation began.

My first impressions? Well, I was against it, frankly. I mean, come on. Homeschool kids are weird. Let's not deny it. They're smart, but weird-smart. Too smart. They don't fit into the rest of the world. They know how to do things like pluck a chicken and knit a hat, but can't recite Shakespeare or throw a ball. They don't know how to communicate with anyone who is not an immediate member of their (large) family. But despite all of this, I wanted to entertain the idea, and keep the dialogue running. I married Justin because he is wiser than me and often has a more refined sense of the eternal, so if it was important to him, I wanted to examine the topic further.

As time went on, I asked questions, talked to people, read books, listened to Dobson. I realized that Homeschooling Today is not what it was twenty-five years ago. People do this now. Lots of people. There are organizations (like our Whatcom Homeschool Association) set up to support homeschool families, share information, provide social activities (like fieldtrips and park days) and trade curriculums. There are curriculums. It's no longer a system of scavenging at the library and working sums on newsprint. It's a bit more refined, now. The churches even have Homeschool Small Groups you can join. It's everywhere.

So, when Cole turned four, we ventured into the Homeschool waters. Andie told us about Sonlight and it seemed to be what we were looking for. We took the plunge and purchased the Preschool program.

THE CURRICULUM DEBATE
Oh, now I'm getting ahead of myself, because of course, there are thousands of decisions to make when deciding to homeschool; it's not just "yes we will" or "no we won't". This right here is why I haven't responded to your questions before now----because THIS is the part that is complicated. First of all, there are so many methods of schooling: Unschooling, Classical, Charlotte Mason, etc etc etc....To use curriculum or not use curriculum? It gets overwhelming. Let's cut through all of that for a second. We bypassed most of the decisions by saying: 1) Let's buy a curriculum package (since we have no clue what we're doing) and 2) Let's buy the first one that appeals to us (instead of spending months and months researching all of them). I'm not saying this is the best approach; I'm just saying it worked for us, because it took a lot of the "agonizing over approach and materials" away for me. So when we came across Sonlight, we liked it, we picked it, we pulled out our Visa. Done.

Now. What appealed to us about Sonlight was the vast amount of literature. I liked the idea of my kids learning about history by reading books about certain parts of history--instead of poring over a history textbook--simply because history was the one subject in school that I never really understood, but I loved literature, and I think if I would have been taught this way, I would have gotten it, and loved it. There are workbooks for math, writing, etc....but most of their program is taught through literature. I've always dreamed of having an extensive library, so Sonlight alligned with the things I was passionate about. There are very few consumable resources. It's expensive, but--to me--it was worth the cost to invest in beautiful books that we could absolutely wear out through the years.

Okay, now right away, there were things that DIDN'T WORK for us with the Sonlight program, but we couldn't have known this without trying it. First of all, some of the "preschool" materials were extremely difficult--way over Cole's head. Secondly, at the manic age of four, he didn't like having 20 minutes a day of "sit down and read with Mom" time, and immediately began to resent school. Thirdly, the "schedule" they provide interfered with with a child's natural desire to learn and with the natural rhythm of reading--because they recommend that you pick up 5 different books and read one page out of each one, once a day. What? All this did was frustrate Cole. He'd ask to read another page and I'd say, "No, tomorrow." He'd fight back. There was a lot of push-and-pull between us--not at all the cozy, reading, co-learning experience I was looking for. Now I will say that Sonlight firmly maintains that their Schedules are meant to just be a Guideline, and they repeatedly advise that you manipulate that guideline to fit your own family. I'm sure that works for a lot of people. But I am a List Lover. If I have a list, I HAVE to check off each thing before going on to the next one. I CAN'T jump around and have things incomplete; it drives me crazy. So I fought to the death to stick to the list, and Cole fought against me, and we got things done (sort of), but we were unhappy.

Kindergarten: Same Thing. Push and pull, push and pull, Learning Under Duress. I kept thinking, "Is this why I wanted to homeschool? Absolutely not! We're missing something. Where is that Love of Learning I wanted to instill in my child?"

TURNING OVER A NEW LEAF....
Just recently, I've regained my focus. I've read a few good (anti-curriculum) articles about the original heart of homeschooling, concentrating on the idea of teaching your children at your knee, giving them firm grounding and strong character with some quality education mixed in. Oh! Oh, my soul began to breathe again. This is what I've been looking for. This is what I desire for my children. Not this Schedule-That-Mom-Doesn't-Understand-But-Is-Fighting-For. Not this Constant Dissension. But good, old-fashioned, family-style learning, All Of Us In It Together methodology, following our hearts and our unique gifts and our passions, while still checking off the basics. My boys can learn this way. Oh, they can learn this way! Why was I trying to duplicate the format of school, when that was what I was trying to avoid?!

Those of you who are new to this want me to give you a formula and tell you what books to read, what program to buy, and what path to follow. I can't do that. I'm still so new to it myself; I'm still finding my own path. You'll have to discover your own (I'm sorry). There are still a lot of things I love about Sonlight, truly. But I'm manipulating those things now, to fit my own needs. And quite frankly, this means buying a lot of the materials (mostly secondhand--or check your LIBRARY!) and NOT buying the Schedules. Because honestly, I can't have them in my house. I'm too much of an addict. I need to abstain from them altogether.

What we are left with: A pile of beautiful books available to us at all hours of the day. We can read as much or as little of them as we want. We can read three, four, ten a day....or flip through them and just look at the pictures and discuss the parts that are interesting to us. The only thing I continue to be a stickler about is that (most) every day we take a few minutes to practice our reading (Cole) and do a page or two of math (Reese and Cole). The rest is icing on the cake. And here's the result: PEACE AT HOME AND LOVE OF LEARNING! Hooray, hooray! The boys are pouring over books again, asking to be read to, begging to go to the library to research more about their favorite subjects. Science, history, literature--they're eating it up. I am too. We have found our joy again.

And here's the last thing: God is giving me more and more peace about having children that AREN'T of this world, that are only aliens here for a while. Weird homeschool kids, hooray! I am blessed now when someone recognizes that they DON'T fit in, because really, isn't that what we are asked to do? To raise up children that will fight for Good, and be focused on the Prize? That will run the good race? Many ask if we will homeschool forever. I don't know the answer to that. Does a soldier in the military ask his commander what the mission will be 12 years from now? The battle is ever-changing. But oh, it is a BATTLE! I better make sure these boys are ready. Because the day will come, surely, when their Commander will ask them to Stand and Fight. On that day, I can only place my hands on their heads, and give them their benediction, and pray that I have done my job well.

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"After a long time the master of those servants returned and settled accounts with them. The man who had received the five talents brought the other five. 'Master', he said, 'you entrusted me with five talents. See, I have gained five more.'

His master replied, 'Well done, good and faithful servant! You have been faithful with a few things; I will put you in charge of many things. Come and share your master's happiness!" matthew 25:19-21

A Shower Tribute

A few weeks ago, I was asked to write a tribute about motherhood to share at Karissa's baby shower. I was so honored to bless my dear friend this way! Here are some thoughts that I compiled....

First, a little background:

I met Karissa back in her wild days, when she was over-the-top about everything and I knew nothing beyond my little sheltered conservative boundaries. I think we were twelve. I was instantly thrilled by her manic spirit and her ability to capture the attention of everyone in the room--not to mention a few in the adjoining room, too. I absolutely wanted to be her friend. She was less than enthralled with my goody-two-shoes personality.

But as time went on, we did become friends. We became the kind of friends that passed dozens of notes between classes and fought over boyfriends. We invested time in each other. So much time; years of time. But as close as we got, we never lost our individuality. We never became carbon copies of each other, and so, even though we disagreed at times, we always had our own qualities to bring to the relationship. I think that is one of the reasons our friendship has lasted these 17+ years.

I say all of this because, when I think about my journey through motherhood, it is impossible to separate that journey from the friends that have traveled the road with me. Raising a child really does require that virtual village. (I haven't yet determined what raising FOUR children requires!) I have found that there are a few close friends that I do rely on during the course of this journey. God provides my purpose, my daily strength, and that still small voice that guides my decisions--should I let my kids go to that friend's house? Will that ice cream cone become a before-bed disaster, or just a happy childhood memory? Has it been quiet just a moment too long in the playroom (or the bathroom)? But through these friends He also provides my JOY. I could raise these kids with just the help of the Lord, but something in my soul would always long for that missing companionship of other mothers. Through them, God provides encouragement and He meets my physical needs--a ride when I am stranded, a hug when I am dismayed, a hot meal when I have a newborn to hold.

Motherhood is hard. It's hard right from the day of conception. Back when I was pregnant with my first son, I used to say that I finally understood why God have us a nine-month gestation: Because it would take me at least that long to wrap my mind around the idea of how largely my life was about to change. Pregnancy took my sweet, skinny bridal body, gave it a few good punches, threw it around the room a bit until everything was in the wrong place, and then handed it back to me. I was a little bit horrified at the result! I was thankful to finally deliver, believing that after going through a difficult pregnancy and the thrills of labor, that I would begin to get my body back. Ahh, the deceit! The aches and pains! Oh, the joy of it all!

Motherhood is hard in every respect. It's the only occupation that doesn't require a degree, but expects you to adequately answer questions like "If I blow up a balloon, and take it with me into a rocket, and then go up into space, and let the balloon out the window, will it pop?" and "What would have happened to the world if Adam and Eve HADN'T have sinned?" before you've even had your first cup of coffee in the morning. And it's non-profit. On particularly hairy days in his construction world, Justin will come through the door grumbling, "I don't get paid nearly enough for what I do!" I always laugh, "Neither do I!"

Kari Anne Roy writes haiku poems about some of the less-than-beautiful (but definitely eternal) elements about motherhood. She compiled some of them in her book Haiku Mama: Because 17 Syllables Is All You Have Time To Read. Here are a few of my favorites.

O, lovely naptime.
You are better than birthdays
With the gifts you bring.

Yay! The perfect time
To strip down naked and scream--
When Mommy's on the phone.

Bubbles are awesome,
But don't pop them with your eyes.
Then they kind of suck.

When she was my mom,
She said no sweets before lunch.
Hypocrite grandma.

Here is one that is all too familiar:
Oh, photographer
Your misshapen, squeaky mouse
Is freaking him out.

Or,
Please, grocery lady,
Don't make him eat the free ham.
He is scared of you.

And the tie for my personal favorite:
Other playgroup moms,
So svelte in their yoga pants
While I eat cupcake.

And
Child hugging TV
Should probably not be your
Christmas card this year.

My favorite thing about being a mom is the LAUGHTER. Children laugh so, so much during a single day. I appreciate books like Haiku Mama because they, too, are a reminder of the joy that sometimes falls on the back burner when there are hungry boys to feed and a two-year-old to potty train, when the laundry pile has become Mt. Washmore and is threatening to not only take over the laundry room but belch its lava into the playroom, and when the gas bill is starting to arrive in the Blue Envelope, signifying that they are about to turn my heat off for lazyness, I mean, lack of payment. During these moments, I do well to take a deep breath shut my eyes to the seemingly incurable mayhem, and enter into the World of Play with my boys for a good half-hour or so. To build robots and Star Wars pods out of Legos, and draw our favorite sea creatures with fat Crayola markers, and play Crazy Faces Eights and laugh at the Onion Guy with his wild hair, and turn on the battery-powered Panda (don't ask) and race him up and down the beds, jumping up and down and cheering him all the way....(even though there is no one he is racing against....hmm....) These moments revive my spirit. It is the hardest thing in the world to turn my back on a messy house and disorganized checkbook and PLAY....but I find, every time, that when I finally leave the boys to their games and trek back upstairs into Real Life, I arrive with a smile on my face 100% of the time, and my burden does not feel so heavy. On the contrary, I race through my work in record time, having found new life in my calling.

I have a sneaking suspicion that I haven't even begun to scratch the surface of figuring out what motherhood really means. There are days I wish I could have figured it all out before actually having kids, but I'm realizing that's just not possible. This is an occupation with On The Job training. Only. Period. But despite the crying, the cranky attitudes, the whining, and the messes....and all the negative sides of my KIDS, too....I really don't ever wish I was anywhere else, doing any other job. This is my satisfaction. This job of Mothering enables me to try my hand at all of the things I have ever expressed interest in: Gardening, cooking, cutting hair, teaching school, managing finances....the list goes on and on. So what if the pay's not great? What other job can boast all of these perks?

Karissa: I know you share my heart on this. I am so thankful for you, every day, and for our like-minded approach to mothering.

One last thing I'd like to share: A poem by Amy Rosenthal, simply titled LOVE:

I love how when we're listening to the radio in the car the DJ's banter and band names are a foreign language to them and so they get hysterical and blurt out the few words they do recognize, like "Mom, he said 'Bare Naked Ladies'!"

And I love that whenever it's my or their dad's birthday, they can't grasp why there aren't any goody bags

And I love that they think yellow taxicabs are really just baby school buses

And I love that they refer to the exterminator as "the ant hunter"

And I love that they wonder if there is specifically "a Chicago heaven"?

And I love that when our flight was delayed for seven hours and I was a whiny brat they showed me that it was just as much fun to play at the terminal as anywhere else

And I love that they define my job of writing as "drinking coffee"

And I love that they get excited, I mean really excited, about Jurassic Park paper plates

And I love how they can say so much with so few words, for example, "Your feelings came into my feelings, and they came and took my good ones out"

And I love playing make-believe games with them where they get attacked by a tiger or vampire because then I get to revive them by slowly applying the "magic lotion" all over their soft yummy little legs and arms and cheeks

And I love being wakened (if one must be wakened up) by the words "Mom get up, get up, it's seven o'clock! WE'RE WASTING TIME WE COULD BE PLAYING!"

So Happy Soon-To-Be Birthday, Little One,
And Blessings on your Mama--she has earned another jewel in her crown!

I love you
Love, k

They're Here, They're Here!

My Christmas present was delivered today,
courtesy of the US Postal Service...

Five baby chicks, each of them just 2 days old.

Justin says if we want to name them, we should choose Foodie names, like Fryer and Drumstick, to remind us of their eventual purpose. I don't know that Cole really understands, because he wants to name one of them "Wheat"!

These sweet little ladies are the perfect end to my year, as God has been teaching me great things lately about the sanctity of life.

Last winter, He led me through a journey of ancient Old Testament scriptures concerning food and ritual. I was astonished to see such abundance of life in passages I had read so blindly for years. I saw the beauty of God's protection in scriptures about restriction; I found freedom in the celebration of Sabbath.

And then, unbeknownst to me, as I was praising God for loving me as a parent and giving me safe boundaries, he was creating another child within me, yet again expanding the limits of my little tent....

Teaching me ever more about trusting His timing, and having faith in the goodness of His gifts.

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." --jeremiah 29:11

On a basic level, I am thankful for the food these chicks will provide. On a deeper level, although I am not looking forward to explaining their death to my boys, I am thankful for the opportunity to share that experience with my children. I hope that they begin to see, as I have, that sometimes One has to die, for us to truly live....

Numbers, Chaos and Family

Greetings to all Bloggers and Blog readers, Justin here (I am the other adult part of this crazy, amazing family). I want to add a few words to this sacred place. I do so with blessings from my wife and with a desire to give a father perspective of our family life adventure.

With the appearance of every son, the social dynamic changes slightly. When Reese first appeared, Cole, for the first time, had to share mommy and daddy. His world became much bigger and he faced new emotions; boredom and loneliness. He also started to recognize the joy that came when you had just one parent all to yourself for an afternoon. When Reuben materialized, Reese was less than excited. He tried to express his frustration with all the crying and fussing of the new baby by punching and screaming. He soon realized life was much easier when he played with his older, verbal, active brother. Even now, on a bad day, Reese will punch or yell at Reuben when he doesn't do what Reese wants him to do (Kim and I could get jobs as Professional Conflict Resolution Consultants with the experience we have). Cole is a great helper and with every new addition he rises to the challenge. He sees the conflicts between R&R and tries to break them up peacefully by luring one away from the other. He will make breakfast for himself or for the others. He will retrieve anything you need at just about any time you need it. I am deeply proud of him. I am honored and humbled to see the powerful heart of a servant in one so young.

Hang with me, I'm going to get brainy now, but my point comes back to the heart. One of the core classes I took in college for my major was called Perspectives of Psychology. The class was one of my favorites. All we did was sit in a dark classroom and theorize about what outside factors affect human psychology. My professor was about 4'10” and looked like Albert Einstein. The only thing we talked about the whole quarter was Chaos Theory (I get amped just thinking about it again). We found that multiples of 2 were everywhere in the world. In chemistry most natural elements are stable in multiples of 2. In physics two equal and opposite forces create a state of stability (Binary star systems, muscle control, gravity). In biology, survival takes two (reproduction, symbiotic relationship, predator/prey). We then applied that trend to family and relationships. A marriage is a strong unit (2). Add baby (2+1=3), life becomes a bit unstable and difficult (At this point dad does not know what to do, he has no one to interface with, mom and baby have linked up in a bond of 2 and he is a floating 1). Add another baby (3+1=4), stability returns (dad has a child to link up with now, and mom has baby). This trend is evident in relationships too. A one-on-one talk is easier than a three person discussion, yet add one more and you have a double date.

All that nerdiness to explain the peace and stability baby Sean has created (4 boys IS easier than 3). The most change happened for Reuben with this new addition. He is not mommies baby anymore. Kim and Sean = 2, Cole and Reese have been two for a while, and Reuben has found his dad now. I take Cole and Reese to the park, hiking, to the store, etc. So for Reuben to hook up with me he had to start doing “big-boy” things. It amazes me to see him respond naturally to the change in family dynamic.

On the day of Christmas Eve the boys were getting wild. The weather was nasty and I had a wild hare to go for a hike. I knew it would be short but at least we would get out. This time, for the first time, we took Reuben. The four of us bundled up, I grabbed the baby backpack and we were off. The streets were alive with rain and rivers. Cole and Reese were wet up to their knees and elbows before we even hit the trail. I tried to put Reuben in the baby backpack. I knew it wasn't going to work when the top edge came up to his waist (it was supposed to be at his chest). I took it off and left it in the car (this was shaping up to be even shorter of a hike than I first thought). Reuben would not let me hold him the whole trip. He climbed up the slippery, muddy banks with the rest of us and when he fell into the puddles he would say, “O-tay, O-tay, O-tay!” which meant, “I'm OK, I don't need help, lets keep going!” I could see his determination to be one of the big boys and not hold us back. It was as if he felt like he was pledging for our fraternity of men and if he gave up we would not accept (absolutely not true in this situation, but you could see his intentional effort not to be a liability to us). Reese was the first to want be carried and to go home. Reuben showed his true grit and walked without help back to the car.

In January I took the boys up to Mt. Baker to go sledding. Again, Reuben was able to go to the mountain for the first time with the big boys. As before he proved he could hang with the young bucks. He didn't like sledding but he would throw snowballs at anyone who would go down the hill. Reese bit his tongue eating snow in the first ten minutes we were there and wanted to go home. I love my Reese!
To Reuben: You have shown great valor in your journey toward manhood. I now pronounce you one of the Big-Boy Philips Men. The road is long and full of challenge, but you will not be given more than you can handle. Welcome my son.

These Boys Of Mine

My husband gave me a gift today. He reminded me of a blank book that we used to write in once, he and I, in an attempt to communicate when life got the better of us and talking didn't seem to be effective anymore. Some days, it is easier to be honest on paper.

I spent some quiet time this afternoon looking through the pages of this book and reading of places we once were, watching the journey to Now. I found a letter that I wrote to Cole, years and years ago, when he was a baby and it was only Us Three. I want to share this letter, because reading it today reminded me suddenly and painfully of the joy this is all supposed to be about. That joy gets stifled sometimes, certainly, under the weight of daily tasks....but it is still there. This was the reminder I needed today.

Oh, how I love these boys of mine!

Cole.

Today a woman stopped me in the post office and told me how beautiful you are. This is not uncommon. What is it about old ladies and little girls---that notice all new life and are compelled to reach out a hand? It makes me understand that the circle of life is not that vast; there is a curiosity that exists between the span of ages. I am continually amazed.

She--the post office woman--said also that you "greatly resemble" me. How is it that such a simple statement gives me so much joy? I look at my own silly baby photographs--ugly, even--embarrassing childhood pictures, awkward teenage moments--and find only a handful I can be proud of. I wonder at times what others could see in me. And yet, when someone, anyone, recognizes your innate beauty as stemming from my own being, I am overwhelmed with pure emotion. You are mine! You belong to me, you came from me---there is no question. I feel at once swelled with pride over my own power and accomplishments.

There is something wonderfully heroic about giving birth. I understand now why women tell their life-giving stories over and over again, are obsessed with the details, the triumphs, the pain. It becomes legend in its own rite--the moment of superseding what is physically possible and letting spirit propel one forward. Breath becomes existence. And where there was one, there is two.

I could tell our story, yours and mine, for all eternity. I'm not sure others care to hear it. That's okay--they have their own hero story. But I have tasted what legends are made of--mystery and fear, joy and pain, thrill and sorrow. You and I made history--if just for a moment. I see the waterfalls and forests, knights fighting dragons for fairy princesses. My love for you delivered you, and in turn, delivered me.

On Becoming Men

If there's one thing you could say about these boys of mine, it is that they LOVE Crayola markers. Love, love, love them. One of their favorite pasttimes is decorating their legs, arms, faces and torsos with all different shades to become "warriors". They do it so often that it's not even worth trying to clean them up to take them out in public....which means that yes, I do get some wonderful looks from my fellow shoppers at Fred Meyer. But they love to play the role of fighters.

Brenda and I were laughing recently about the huge number of baby boys being born recently. She joked that the reason our new baby is another boy is because I am friends with her, and she ONLY knows people that have boys. At the time, we just thought it was funny.....but then I started hearing from other mommas (who also have only sons) that even within the schools, the younger classes are FULL of boys, with only a handful of girls. And suddenly I was hit with the sobering thought: Whatever could be coming in the next 20 years that might require an insurgence of Godly young men?

..."Now as He sat on the Mount of Olives, the disciples came to Him privately, saying, 'Tell us, when will these things be? And what will be the sign of Your coming, and of the end of the age?' And Jesus answered and said to them....'You will hear of wars and rumors of wars. See that you are not troubled, for all these things must come to pass, but the end is not yet. For nation will rise against nation, and kingdom against kingdom. And there will be famines, pestilence, and earthquakes in various places. All these are the beginning of sorrows'" Matthew 24: 3-8

I am feeling new resolve to train my sons in the way they should go.

"Like arrows in the hand of a warrior, so are the children of one's youth. Happy is the man who has his quiver full of them!" Psalm 127:4-5